I'm a loser baby ---

Much to my hubby's shagrin, I hate Beck - but, it is so fitting here...well, mostly! 


I am in the process of completing my second extra-large coffee, so to say I am a bit jittery would be an understatement of grand proportions. I am even finding it hard to type.

However, good morning all! And thanks for joining me for a morning coffee!

Let's have some coffee talk, shall we?

Well, ladies, in the last few days, I've felt the pendulum swing and the winds of change begin to blow: I am now in preparation mode.

And!

You would be proud!

I have managed to complete plans for two full units (speeches and Geometry), including accommodations and modifications for those who need it. I am also half way through my Geography unit, also including accommodations et al. I've clocked around ten hours in planning so far. (How does anyone do a good job of this and balance all the rest that teaching entails during the school year??!) Whew. I am feeling super proud. My brain is whirly. I forgot how much I love to create. How much I love to organize. And how much energy is takes - hence (ugh what a University word) my lack of correspondence on here....Well, that and my need to nap my way back to health!!!

But you may be asking yourself, if she's done all these amazingly wonderful, forward stepping accomplishments, why, oh why is she calling herself a loser?

Well, my friends, because I. Am.

I really am!

I always have been, in fact.

Why, whatever do I mean???

The moment life gets busier--becomes full steam ahead, if you will--something always gets lost in the transition. Literally. Sometimes many somethings.

This is a difficult issue for someone like me who, while being an organizational junkie, also is a bit flaky and disorderly.

While I love organization, it does not come naturally to me. I suppose it's a bit of an ambivalent relationship we have: I love to keep things just so, but because of the extra exertion it takes, when I am lacking time, things start to fall to sh*t.

You should have seen me in high school and university. You would have thought I was chaotic: my notes were ALL OVER THE PLACE! But there was always method to my madness, I swear!

But we're not talking about the past, here, ladies. Oh No. Let's talk present day. Like right now:

What have I lost this week, you might ask?

1. My tax information - (yay tax time).

2. Our garage door opener.

3. e's soothers (two of the four - and these aren't the everyday normal, toss and don't care kind, they are special - at least I think so)!

4. More socks. grrrrr....

5. My marbles (anyone thinking Jumanji)?

Yup, I am all whacked out. I've lost it. 

I can only imagine what's gonna happen when I have to balance more than just planning, house, and baby (oh and hubby, I seem to always forget about him!). I am going to lose so many more things.

And. I. Hate. Losing. Things. 

It drives me mental!

Where j.b. is all, whatever, it will turn up.

I'm more Um, hello, what if it doesn't?!!!

Is it a matter of control?

So imagine a day in  the life of me, then, if you will. With my keen inner very much burning desire to have all things in order, and my natural propensity to be chaotic. One of my favourite teachers in high school used to call me organized chaos. Indeed. Oh but the hyperventilating anxiety this causes me.

I exert my energy so hard to keep things together and yet, by nature, I am unable.

Do you feel sorry for me?

So, I guess, all I ask is for the universe to throw me a bone during these next couple of weeks. I have a one-year-old's birthday party to plan (which means clean house, baking done, guest bedroom made up, groceries bought, wine selected, and cute baby e outfit to organize)....And I have to go to the school (wah) and get there all organized and partake in p.t. interviews (damn, thought I'd gotten outta those for this year!), and I have all those units to finish organizing, and my new wardrobe for my new, post-pregnancy figure (damn you!!!), and of course the reconfiguring of my entire external self: from stay inside and don't care mode to go outside and must be presentable mode. This process here, is going to take the longest. You don't want to know how much I've 'let myself go'!

So in this busy time, I beg. NO. I PLEAD! that maybe just maybe, I will keep it all together:

That the soothers will stay where they need to - that the garage door opener shows up - that I photocopy all the right material - that I get all the necessary organizational folders together and just so for school - that the daycare gets all e's necessary paraphernalia - That I don't forget anything for the party -

That everything lands where it is supposed to!

Dear St. Anthony, let's make a pact: let's be on the offense here. Shall I pray to you now to ensure I don't lose stuff, so that we don't have to meet up later when I'm a harry, erratic mess? 

Does this deal work for you?

Please, for the sake of my remaining marbles, Please Please, help me keep it all together for at least the next few weeks, and if we can even work it so that it all stays in tact until summer vacation? That would be even grander!

Life is gonna be pretty much swinging from the ceilings for the next few months, so your considerate support would (will?) be greatly appreciated.

Yours truly,

The loser, baby!

Me.

*p.s. this post reminds me of yet another one of my favourite songs...For your indulgence:

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Thirsty Thursdays (4)

Welcome to the third installment of Thirsty Thursdays! Every week I will select a wine and review it. (There will be no consistent rhyme or reason for picking the wine; presume I chose each bottle on a whim. And, no, I am not receiving compensation for these reviews). I will rate the wine on a four glass rubric because a properly poured glass of wine is 6.25 oz, ensuring that each 750 ml bottle fills four glasses. (This haphazard logic makes sense, right?!)…

Okay - so now that I am going back to work, I must rework this whole thing. You will be receiving the quick and dirty versions of Thirsty Thursdays. I hope you don't mind! 

A reminder in how one should taste her wine:

A proper Wine Tasting starts with smelling the wine. This process looks ridiculous! You take a brief first sniff, then pull the glass away and swirl it like a snob, (look for legs, viscosity, colour, etc.) then stick your big noggin right in there and inhale like it’s your last breath. And THEN you take the first sip, and pull it through your teeth. Also looks ridiculous! Swallow. (Sounds obvious I know…).Take your second sip. During this sip, you swoosh the wine like it is toothpaste you’re trying to wash out of your mouth. Please don’t spit it out, though, unless there’s a bucket and you’re expected to! Finally, that third sip you hold on to and savor – and finally…swallow. It is this final sip that tells for sure if the wine is going to be good.

This week I will present a few wines:

1. Concannon Petite Sirah 2005.

Region: Central Coast, California - though it originated in Durif Regions of France (Professional Friends of Wine).

Price Point: $12.00 American.

Tasting Notes: Nose: Cranberry, asparagus tips, white pepper, bacon fat, and loganberry.

Taste: Huge cranberry component that’s been mixed with white pepper, rhubarb, blueberry and blackberry pie with crust. Decent finish and mouth-feel make this wine a pretty good value-play at the prices you can usually find it for in your local grocery store – around $12. (Wine Foot)

Food Pairings: works well with hearty red meats

The Petit Sirah is a YUMMY full bodied red wine with a sweet and spicy aroma and a hint of cherry in its finish. While its name indicates its relation to the Syrah, it is a very different grape variety. I have read that the Petite Sirah is, contrary to its name, a very bold wine. That said, I did not find this wine bold. It has an even, constant aroma and flavour. It is a good wine to serve to those who are unsure and less daring tasters. It is very good.

I would say this is a winter wine - I imagine being in a chalet post ski trip (likely inspired by my friend, le's trip to Quebec two weeks ago -- I am still jealous). I picture jb and i feasting on lamb shanks, mashed potatos and other root veg. We are by the fire, chatting about our day's adventures! Our surroundings are all things wooden and earthy - the cabin theme. We are lapping up the warmth of the fire; the atmosphere; and we are feeling euphoric over that one too many glasses of wine. Luckily, we only have to trip our way back to our chalet by foot. Ah l'amore.

At least that's how I imagine the wine COULD be enjoyed.

Rating: 3.5 out of four red wine/ Petite Sirah goblets

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Ask and you shall...

Receive!

Quiet around these parts these days. Kinda sad. I hope you are all well?

Well, some have asked for my beans recipe, so I feel I must oblige. I am not sure what the whole copyright rule is, but it's from the Globe and Mail. And it's by Bonnie Stern -- I hope I'm covered!!!

Barbecued Baked Beans

If you're starting with dried beans, use 2 cups (500 mL), soak overnight in cold water, drain, then cover with fresh water and cook about 1 to 1 1/2 hours, until tender.

• 6 oz (175 g) bacon, cut into 1 inch (2.5 cm) pieces -- I used about half a package.
• 1 onion, diced.
• 2 1/2 cups (625mL) of favourite bbq sauce.
• 2 tbsp (30 mL) of Dijon mustard.
• 1/4 cup (50 mL) brown sugar.
• 1/2 cup molasses.
• 5 cups (1.5L) cooked kidney beans - white. I used three large cans.

• 1 cup (250 mL) shredded or diced bbq brisket or pulled pork: optional.  I did not use. 

1. Place bacon in a Dutch oven. Cook on medium heat until most of the fat renders out. Discard fat. Add onions and cook until tender. 5 minutes. Add bbq sauce, mustard, brown sugar, molasses. bring to a boil.

2. Stir in beans and meat (if using) and bake, covered, in a preheated 350F/180C oven for 1 - 2 hours, until thick and saucy.

Makes 8 - 12.

There you have it. I hope you try it and come back and tell me what you think! Happy Hump day!

SB

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The Best of Intentions...

Unlike the many nights of my maternity leave thus far, last night I had the best of intentions: I was upstairs and ready to go to bed by ten p.m. I was a bit skeptical about going to bed at this time since the more one sleeps, the faster time goes. You see my dilemma.

But I was tired.

And j.b. who has always been a night hawk had chosen to go down early as well.

I decided to take advantage of this fact since I love when we go to sleep at the same time -- and the occurrences are rare.

But, being the somewhat suffocating mother that I've been of late, I had to check on little e before going down. I love watching how peaceful she is as she sleeps. I noticed, though, that on this night she was snoring. Interesting. I commented to j.b. that I think she may be getting his cold.

hmm.

So I thought I'd done a perfectly quiet job of opening the door, admiring her, then closing it and sneaking away. Turns out no.

e woke up and started to cry.

So I waited the requisite time to see if she'd settle on her own (you know, trying with all my might to squelch my own new found neediness) and then swooped in to scoop her up and steal some cuddle time. (So much for early bed, but I didn't mind. There's simply nothing more intimate than night snuggles with e. It's about the only time she is settled ever).

Knowing she was starting to get sick, I decided that last night would be a night to snuggle on the couch. Sometimes, very rarely, I do this. You know how some people sleep with their babies? Yeah. We don't. I was never even given the opportunity  to decide what my opinion truly was on the matter! e simply wouldn't let me even if I wanted to. She needs her space, you see! But sometimes, if I catch her at the right moment, and she's tired and vulnerable enough, I can snuggle and fall asleep with her on the couch for an hour or two. So I take it!

We settle in on the couch and I am feeling all happy because it's been months since I've had the opportunity for this e and me time, and all of a sudden I hear her convulsing -- er -- retching. And before I know what's happening, she's vomited all over me.

I got up quickly (you should know that a mother of a reflux baby learns some really crazy tactics to getting herself and her baby out of the line of fire -- I consider this a true talent!); so I moved e to a safe area where if she continues to spew (which she does) so she won't cause harm to carpet or couch.

And then we ran the rest of the way to the bathroom. Imagine the soundtrack to Mission Impossible was playing in the background. That's how stealth my movements were, I swear! Very calculated. She vomited in all three locations; apparently, I am a bit rusty with the whole vomit deflection tactics. And the vomit has changed since the addition of solids. It has a particularly sour and acidic stench to it now. Oh it's putrid.

My hair was covered.

My clothes were covered.

e's face was covered.

e's clothes were covered.

What. A. Mess.

I managed to change myself out of my clothes quickly enough to leave e hysterically crying on the floor for only a brief moment. I was surprised at my speed! She needed to be held. So I held my puke-y, snot infested child right to me, and I was only in bra and panties. And my hair was soaked with her dinner debris.

There was a time in my life when I thought I'd never be able to handle such gross-nesses. Apparently I am maturing.

My hubby ran in a few minutes later (isn't it funny how well men can sleep through any sort of uproar?).

Then HE began to convulse.  

Oh no!!! 

Luckily, he managed to keep his shit together and helped me help e get out of her clothes and cleaned and into something dry with as little upset as is possible. 

She was crying. 

She was shivering and blubbering.

I've never seen her look more upset or pathetic.

I guess I was asking for it: I know I had been excited at the thought of snuggle and sleep time with e, but come on!!!

Before trying to settle her down to sleep, I tried to get some juice into her, and a little formula. You know, to rehydrate her! At that point I thought her vomiting was simply because she was so stuffed up, not because she had a bug.

But then she vomited again. 

All over me. 

All over her. 

In her eyes.

Guess I was wrong.

Back to the bathroom:

And repeat.

We finally settled in and I used the t.v. to sooth her for a while (what a bad parent am I) until she finally faded on me. I figured she was just too stuffed up to lie down in her own crib...............................        


WHAT?! - I swear!. And of course I didn't want her to puke in her sleep. You know.

And so, happy me, we cuddled. Kind of.

She didn't fully settle all night. She tossed and turned. But even with the discomfort of the couch and the distraction of her, I managed to have a few dreams. Hm. I must have slept SOME! I was pretty amazed at my adaptability!

--

Tonight, with the best of intentions, I've managed to get e to bed early, and I am hoping to do the same. For real this time.

Although I am upset at my lack of sleep, I am really happy that I can still have this time with my e. She is such a sprightly one. Even though she was truly sick, yesterday and today, she never stopped smiling. After many tosses and turns in the night, she would hold her head up, look at me, and smile the most brilliant smile.

And I was like, yup. This is worth the foggy brain and slow body I will have for the next few days. This is worth it EVERY TIME.

However, that said,

Here's to hoping for a good night's sleep tonight.

Good night.

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Last Minute....

It must be a human thing, right? We all seem to just naturally, accidentally, manage to leave everything to the last minute.

I am down to the wire.

Three weeks until doomsday - er - uh - back to work.

And everyone under the sun has contacted me requesting a visit from their favourite little e before I head back. Some people even want to see me!

But I had all year! And now I only have three weeks of precious time to spend with just e and I and I am feeling greedy. But I don't want to disappoint.

What to do?

And -- besides all the time spent socializing and me suffocating e (not literally!), I also have to start planning my back to school stuff. How does one start a class in third term? How does one walk in  and just pick up where someone else has left off? 

And more importantly, how do I do this without having to travel to or step in to my class until the fateful day. Because if this is at all possible, then I am going to try not to enter the school until I. Absolutely. HAVE. To!

So I should be planning right now. As we speak --

But instead, I've chosen to chat with y'all :-)! Because you're much more interesting than lesson planning, you see!

Can we all anticipate what will happen when school does start for me and I do have to mark and plan and all the rest? Oh yes. I thank you in advance for being my procrastination!

I have one request of you, though. 

Please don't start to infringe upon my sleep. Can we work out some sort of cordial schedule, you and I? What works for you? Let's start there. Because I have no idea what will work for me. So if you plan it for me, and all I have to do is conform -- that might be best. Easier on my brain.

Easier for me to explain to j.b. I'll just tell him it was YOU who planned my blogging schedule. So then he can take it up with you.

Just don't interrupt date night or dinner hour...I am sure he would be fine with anything else!

Sigh. Planning. I have picked a career that hinges completely on this. I think this is why most teachers are OCD organizational freaks! It's sort of an ambivalent relationship we have, though. I get sort of salivate-y at the idea of organizing when the mood strikes me (you shoulda seen me during my 'nesting' phase of pregnancy -- you've never seen a more demented woman than I! And our basement! It was a miracle. I should have done before and afters...).

But anyway -- I am planning to plan. That's good enough right? Because that's what this week is: the week to plan what I will do when I go back.

And you know what they say about best laid plans, don't you?

Yah. I'll be blaming it all on you if I don't get anything done. I am sure you don't mind, right?

I had nightmares last night about my class and how they were gonna hate me because I am just way more strict than said-current-teacher. But who knows? I've been out of the classroom for an entire year. I could have softened.

And I have this new weird thing that happens in my sleep: I dream that my tension causes me to grind my teeth so hard that my entire head feels like it's in vice grips...And I am slightly lucid and trying to tell myself to loosen up and stop grinding already!!! You know, almost like when you are trying to run faster, and telling yourself to move already!

So I am thinking that the stress that I am repressing is surfacing in my dreams and in my shoulders which are aching something fierce...

Man I hate change. Even the end of summers back when I led a simple, selfish life, used to make me cry. I dunno. I am an old woman trapped in an aging woman's body:-)!

But back to this whole last minute thing. Don't be surprised if my posts turn into discussions about what I should be doing but am not.

And please don't take offense, but instead feel complimented, when I blame my lack of production on you. Because it is a compliment. I would rather spend time with you any day.

I don't want to face the music just yet.

Is that okay?

**p.s. le -- i will post the beans recipe. have patience with me. sometime this week! okay? good luck on all your work and singing!

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