August 10, 2011

Dear Tracy Hogg,

F. U.

Well, sorta, anyhow.

You see, I have been actively attempting your approaches since my first little baby was born in 2009. And in theory, and in some practice, I love what you offer in the baby rearing advice department.

But then, sometimes, I get really mad at you.

Those are the times when my baby won't drink said amount of liquid in the proper routine outlined for his and her age demographic.

Like, for instance, when you said that a four month old should only eat every four hours, I ask, how does one get him  to adhere to this regiment? I know I know, spread out the feeds beginning with 15 minute increments, blah blah.

But listening to my baby cry for more than a minute just doesn't work for me.

And all that planning and manipulating, and fifteen minutes here and another fifteen minutes there? well that just hurts my head!

And when you say that a baby should fall asleep on his own. You were joking about that right? No rocking? No loving cuddles? But those are the moments sweet books and memories are made of!!! Does that sound like the cries of a mom who may have accidentally parented?, it should!

I actually wonder, in all honesty, if, were it not for all your advice, I would not be a less tense parent who expects more from me and my babes than they are capable of. Like trying to get e to sleep from seven to seven every night and presuming that anyone who puts their kid to bed later will not have a late riser, but the opposite? I have many friends whose babes go to bed later and get up later. Sounds good to me!

And when my son wakes up from his nap after an hour, looking rested? Do I force him back to bed? I am currently working on this 'issue'!


And how is it that I am so uptight about rearing my baby, yet my hubby has no qualms. If the baby is up, he says, okay...he's not tired. Time for him to play. No sweat. Whereas I, on the other hand, I get all tense and uptight and think no no no, this is not what's supposed to happen! he's supposed to sleep for two hours, then feed, then play...this is all wrong. I am a bad mom. I have to get him back to bed!! And I would thus expend unneeded (?) energies trying to fit my dear dr. b back into the rigorous routine, so that all will be right with the world again....Never mind the many hours and days I spent trying to do this. Ugh...

I know, I know, you said to use my own baby whispering talents, too... You probably meant relax, right? You even might have called me a textbook parent, right?, all the whilst shaking your head deplorably? Well, what the heck! It's those parents who buy your books!!!


I'll be honest, I did give the ol' hold baby up for five minutes, then lay him down and pat his back to sleep thing....I gave it a good go. But it was a no go. Not from infancy, at least. I will readdress that approach when dr. b gets a bit older. It only worked with e from about 7 months onward.

Another point to be made, actually, while I'm on the topic of sleep training, is what am I to do with e while I'm taking all this time trying to train my baby? You were a nanny, how did you handle these high maintenance routines with one child while still attending to the others? e, like many two year olds, is very spirited (did you like that word?;-)), and would not stand to be stuck in a play pen or be by herself and certainly not be quiet for the extended periods of time necessary for proper baby training.

You never do address how to handle more than one child at a time, in fact!!

Furthermore, how am I to keep my baby at home all day every day on this oh so necessary routine when I have errands to run and children who long to go to parks and outside and to the Y? How am I to deal with these needs, too? Again, I am thinking that, while the routine and predictability is ideal for the babe, it might not be so wonderful for the rest of the and e in a house all day long, cooped up, equals someone is gonna get hurt!!!


Okay, one more reality vs textbook ideal: The whole pump until the milk gets dry thing. You must have taken off band-aids painfully slowly in life, because this approach to drying up one's milk? Ugh. It was painful and actually resulted in many clogged ducts, mastitis, and the overall effort seemed unnecessary. I am of the wrap and deal with the pain and discomfort for a week (sans all the added effort) camp. Way easier. Way less of a headache. And much less time spent trying to unclog the ducts...


Seriously, though...

Oh! And I also had a blast trying to re-sleep train e (by the way, do you address the whole babes/toddlers might regress thing in your books? I am thinking not!) whilst I was 4 months pregnant with dr. b. e cried for four hours that night. BUT, she did not get up again for a nightly cuddle after that. I know, I know what you'd say, I accidentally parented her, and I should have started as I meant to continue. Blah Blah.

When a mom has to go back to work after the year is up, and she only gets to see her babe for a short couple hours a day, I will take those hours any way or time I can!!! Even if it was four a.m. every night and lasted a good hour each time.

I was glad, though, that when I retrained my baby girl to sleep, she did. And your approach was the reason. Thanks for that.

All these things said, I do love how you consider both babe and parent needs of equal value. No baby rules the roost, and certainly no parent fascism either...And I like that the EASY method does make life and baby cues much more predictable and easier to discern.

I guess what I am trying to say, really, is that on the days when my child simply will not fit into your wonderful regime (or as you like to insist -- routine), I really get mad at you, as I  realize I must have done something accidental in there somewhere and now I must undo what I've done...Which means long hours of training ahead! Or maybe I should just throw in the towel?


Alright, time to start as I mean to go.... 


  1. I love you and the title made me laugh right out loud. I have cried more than once because Avery was not following what the baby whisperer said to do...we have NEVER eaten on a 4 hour schedule...always 3 hours and she is now 7 months! I think the worst of it was because my cousin used the perfection and so my mom pushed and pushed me to use it too...and all it ever make me want to do was throw it down the stairs.

  2. Dear Beth, thx for the kind words:)! I've thrown the book & cursed @ it & even banished it on occasion :)

  3. I had an episode in the first few weeks where we tried the EASY thing and it just didn't work, Mike came home to find me sobbing on the couch because Avery wouldn't follow the routine...he took the book and hid it.

  4. what a good, smart man!


Thanks for your thoughts!


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