May 31, 2010

Gaga....

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So I am having a single girl's night in, watching Glee and eating frozen yogurt. Sounds like heaven, right? I know! 

The premise this week, besides the Gaga stuff, is about dressing as one wishes; being bold and expressive, rather than status quo.

I forgot about the me of my younger days who loved expressing myself through my clothing. Don't get me wrong, I still do; only now, I dress appropriately.

And when Gaga says she dresses or does what she does because she can, I get bothered for my impressionable students who think that being outlandish and acting dramatic and subversive is okay.

But then I remember - I was once like that too. And then I grew up, closed my mind, forgot about my creative needs and outlets...

Is it okay to dress outlandishly? To present oneself as different for the norm? Is it okay to be dramatic and atypical for personal expression? What's so wrong about different?

I remember my dad telling me the importance of being a part of the crowd, not standing apart from the crowd.

It sounded so sheep-like to me.

Yet now, I feel like it is important to understand that everything we do, say, wear, presents us in a certain light. And no matter what, we are being judged. We are telling others what to think of us based on the way we communicate ourselves through our appearance.

But is it so wrong to want to express ourselves outlandishly, eccentrically? Why does Gaga bug me so much?

I guess because there are many levels to creativity and wearing weird things does not always mean one is creative or dramatic.

There, I think, needs to be some taste to being different.

At least a little thought.

I don't think anyone should do anything simply because she can...

Because where is the art in that? Where is the depth? Where is the drama?

hmmm....

May 29, 2010

On Blogging...


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Some days I wonder why I blog - is it for personal edification? Is it cathartic/therapeutic? Is it self-indulgent? I am not sure it is solely any one of these...And I simply cannot seem to dig deep enough to figure it out.

And so it goes...

Paired with this question, of course is, why do we read blogs?


Many blogs, mine included, are mostly about the blogger and his (though usually her) life...We blog our personal thoughts and revelations, our journeys and goals, our ever-inspired realizations; and of course, we all like to talk about our jobs and our families...

Do you get sick of reading about jb and e? What does it do for you, reading about them, I wonder?

I know I love reading my friend's blogs because I enjoy learning about their goals, where they are in life, and where they are planning to go. People who are always and ever evolving are my favourite sort.

They inspire me.

They help me remember that ultimitely we must grow and evolve in our lives lest we fester - stop - become stunted...

I am a big fan of Darwin's Theory of Evolution; that is the fittest survive because they adapt and evolve constantly. I try hard to fight my natural inclination to fight change (I've always been one who hates change; I love the familiar). However in light of recent events, I am learning that I (and most) feel most alive when I am striving, working hard, and am stimulated and actively engaged in all things life.

I thrive off of feeling the exhileration of grabbing and suffocating the shit out of my life - 

That's why I love my career. I am constantly called to chase after things, students, teachers, projects, causes, etc. I am also always asked to help motivate others to do the same. And the only thing more exhilerating than having my own goals is helping motivate others to realize and chase after their own aspirations...

It's a pretty fun domino to be a part of...

Anyhow - I guess this blog about blogging has sort of asked a question and then answered it also...but that was my answer - what is yours? why do you blog? why do you like blogs? 

Talk to me, people!

Now that the house is clean(ish) and the groceries done (ish) - time to enjoy the weekend. 

cheerio!

May 26, 2010

On Normalcy...

Well, finally, a day when we are not running here and there to see and comfort or be comforted by family and friends.

A day to be normal.

To do the every day and the mundane.

How I loved today.

Even the simplest thing like doing the dishes felt special to me today.

Because, for the first time in almost a week, I had time to do the dishes. And I even had the the wherewithal - no dishes in the fridge for me today!

Finally!

I have decided that the boring old daily routine is one of my favourite aspects in this here life of mine....

Though holding an exhausted e as she drinks her bottle is still, hands down, my favourite and most fulfilling time spent.

Cheers to Normalcy!

May 24, 2010

support

I have experienced very few deaths in my life; and never have I experienced a passing that was way too early - far earlier than it should have ever happened. My husband's close friend lost out on so many of life's experiences: marriage, babies, career expansion, etc. 

That's one of the hardest thoughts to deal with during this time.

And I wonder how I can help support my husband, who is by nature a very stoic, reserved, private person.

He shares very few feelings with anyone, including me. 

I am not sure how to deal with the coming weeks when the supportive friends who've come to the fore start to fade away again, and j.b. is left with his thoughts...When he starts to really deal with this sudden tragedy.

How can I be there for him?

How does one know what to say?

What to do?

And how we keep his dear friend's memory present and prevalent.

Finally, how can we make any sense of this tragedy?

SB.

May 22, 2010

life

right now my family and I are dealing with a particularly upsetting and untimely and unnecessary death.

Life is so short.

I want to try to really focus on what matters.

Like nice shoes, flattered by a great outfit.

Like good, low maintenance, understanding friends.

Like family who knows how to be family.

Like life.

It's too short and too precious.

May we live it the way we need and want to--without apology. 

And may we know what we have...and appreciate it daily, hourly, in every moment.

May 18, 2010

Generation Y...Teacher's talk to me!!!

I am having the same issues as all teachers: the busy days, the knee deep curriculum, the daily planning, the recesses taken up with student needs, and, finally, the chasing after the same few students who never complete their work. 

Is it a waste of time?

Or are we/am I trying to teach responsibility (by showing that I will not simply forget the students who try so hard to sneak through the cracks)?

Today, one of my favourite slackers and sneaky hiders, says to me (after I question whether his inability to complete work well or on time is a result of disorganization or laziness), I am lazy. He states matter of fact-ly that he comes by his negative traits honestly: He is generation y, it's in his bones.

I've never heard anyone say this before. 

Are students lazier these days?

What are we comparing today's students to?

I know my class in school was exceptionally motivated and keen, but is it generational?

I talk to my students and tell them that my job is not only to teach, but to inspire a want to improve and a sense of pride in my students.

I know I cannot control their feelings, but oh I will try to guide them!

I am asking a lot of them in this last stretch of time...

And they are buckling slightly under the pressure.

So today we had a heart to heart and I explained that if I do not expect a lot, then they do not know how much they can really do. I am trying to stretch their abilities, their senses of accomplishments and abilities.

I think we need to expect just enough of our students that they feel the exhilaration of success - but not so much that instead they feel only looming failure, and they thus give up.

I don't know.

I do feel we are expecting less of our students, mostly because we don't have the time to really push them the way we could...

Is that a broad generalization? Speak to me fellow teachers - what do you think?

Is Generation Y truly a generation of laziness? And are you, fellow teachers, feeling like you are constantly chasing ghosts - needlessly exhausting yourselves for -- SOMETHING?

May 15, 2010

A Thought - or, maybe, A Consideration....

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Just as an extension of Thursday's post, which was inspired by a surprise email from my ex-best-friend, I wonder, when is it okay to accept each other for who we are? And do we know how to see things from another person's perspective: that is, have a little empathy and understanding?

And to know, that in this day-in-age, we are all very busy people; we cannot do all or be all ALL the time --

hm.

Some thoughts I considered after an hour or so post-email sting....
I definitely have areas in which I need to improve; most significantly, I need to be more forthright and not unload every thought that is in my head right when I think it - a little filtering and discretion are my new personal goals.

However, I am who I am who I am. And I read somewhere (at some time) that we are supposed to be okay with who we are. And so are our friends (within reason): for better or worse...

In good attributes and bad...

And some people never improve on themselves and I bet they are doing just fine.

Thoughts?

May 13, 2010

Being a Good Friend and a Good Person

I think these two mutually exclusive, though closely related, ideas are extremely obscure and multi-dimensioned; in fact, I think we all individually have our own ideas about what each means and how they look. By extension, I do agree and believe that there are certain cultural and societal expectations that we do indeed need to follow. That said, I think age and understanding of one's self and one's own needs also help us learn how to be good friends and good people.

I always wonder if I am a good person. And I often feel I could be a better friend. It has taken me many years to understand how important certain life events and moments are and even longer to appreciate how to mark these moments properly. For instance, I let my mother-in-law see my wedding dress before my wedding. My mother was crushed. I did not understand fully what this type of gesture actually meant personally to my mom. I only knew what it meant to me: not much. There was no statement or underhanded anything that I was trying to do. 

But I was not sensitive. I did not know.

I also have on several occasions in my life bailed on events for selfish and silly reasons. Only now do I appreciate how unfair and ultimately self-centered these actions were. I am learning that others do matter and that gestures are, indeed, quite important; actions DO speak louder than words.

Another example of something I never understood:  family members' needing to rely on each other for support (whatever support it is they need). Before having children, I was not all that keen on care-taking for family. I felt I was being used. And I didn't like feeling that way: family are not free babysitting.

But then I had a child and I realized that, no, actually, for the most part, my family was looking for someone they could trust to care for their children. And, wouldn't it be great for my family's children to get to know and spend time with me?

Um. Yah. I am a slow learner.

All these things you are learning about me today are kind of my dark little secrets (that likely you all already know)....

And I feel ashamed.

I wish I was born knowing a bit more. But I am not stupid or naive. Just slow.

I also am a bit passive aggressive, though I am getting better at this. Rather than telling someone exactly how I feel (especially the negative), I'd do something to passively express my feeling. Like leaving events early - or backing out...

I need to do better (and am doing better) in this department.

AND if I say I am going to be somewhere - unless I am dying - or e is sick - then I will be there.

This is new.

Because I lost a friendship once that was quite dear to me. But it was heading in a direction I didn't like and so I behaved in ways I really DON'T to this day like. I looked bad. I feel bad.

I want to be a better person.

I am striving to be a better friend: to find the balance between my needs, my immediate family's needs, and then the needs of my family and friends.

Wish me luck.

Forthright and honest.

Giving of my time and my energy...

I think of one of you who read this - though there are many of you who read this and fit the same description - who no matter what is going on - always finds time to give to others. You give of yourself wholly to family and friends. You know how important your time is to others. You are kind. Even when your so busy your head could spin, you still stay until all hours at important family and friend events. You are my example.

What does being a good friend mean to you?

May 11, 2010

May 10, 2010

there is....


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absolutely nothing sweeter than watching a baby girl's personality start to blossom into outright joyous awe at all things life....

Her interest in doors and handles and keys - trying to figure out how each one works.

Her love of walking everywhere and her want to run - already. She is indeed my daughter. 

Why walk when one can run I always say!

Her love of spinning in a circle until she booms abruptly to the floor on her diaper cushioned behind.

And when she fills the day full with excitement: friends, parks, walking, eating, napping - to the point that at bed time she falls dead asleep in her mother's arms.

Is there anything more sweet than an exhausted from all things life little 13 month old baby e, nestled contentedly into her mommy - dead asleep from such a packed, stimulating day?

I think not.

And when I carry her from arm to crib and she collapses without so much as a stir - still dead asleep - but now lying in crib - my heart bursts.

What a girl have I!

May 7, 2010

edumacation week....


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Why I became a teacher:

This week has been pretty hectic but awesome. I have been up to my eyeballs in Education Week (which, if you teach, you realize means everything BUT education).

Anyhow. I feel shmaltzy.

After a week of jump-rope for heart, track and field, speeches, Girls Rockit (I.T Conference), a mass and a volunteer lunch - plus a Spring Concert, I've been overwhelmed in student talent and youthful energy.

It's been awesome.

And it got me to thinking about how I went from where I once was to where I now am.

Once upon a time I went to university. And when I was there, the world seemed like it was my oyster: life was all expansive and ahead of me.

What would I be, I wondered? 

Well after several years of part-time work in the service industry and some lucrative and potentially advancing office jobs I learned something about myself: 

I was no one's bitch. So service industry anything was out.

And I was also unable to sit still long enough to do a day-job office style EVER.

That would be a slow death to me.

And so, while it took me several years to reach the correct conclusion, I believe I truly am in the career that is my calling.

I also recall my first day of practica - when I would 'practice teach'. I walked into the classroom and by the end of the day all I thought was They call this work?

Do these teachers have any idea how sweet they have it? They're surrounded by young kids so full of hope, zest and life! I wondered if any of the teachers I encountered had ever had the great fortune of trying an office job for any length of time; a job surrounded by (in my experience), dreary, older, uninspired, wash-up and washed-out adults.
Dull.

Grey.

Boring.

Not teaching. There is nothing dull about being in a room of 30 teens with raging hormones.

It's a psychotic, though highly stimulating experience.

I am forced to be on the ball all the time. My guard, my sense of humour, my ability to adapt, and my appreciation for another's needs must all be in tune at all times.

And in these moments as a teacher I am alive.

I am never bored in my career. In fact, I rarely sit down or stay still at all.
And I am always creating: new lessons, new units, new plans for parliament or staff....

My talents are always needed; I am always needed.
I feel vital in this career.

While I am not naive enough to believe I will make huge impacts on my students` lives, I do think they are lucky to have me as a teacher; And I also think I am lucky to have them as my students.

We keep each other on our toes...

And what`s more fun that living on the edge? 

Nothing.

And that is why I love teaching....

Though there are many more reasons, it is Friday night - and I have some wine to enjoy. After all, Education Week did just conclude.

Salut!

May 6, 2010

McDonald's McHappy Day!

 
Am I a bad parent? ha ha!

May 4, 2010

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