November 23, 2010

ah sleep training; the battle of the wills.

e was born with an attribute that I consider to be her double-edged sword: (please excuse my English these days, lack of sleep and baby brain are truly taking their toll) She has been blessed with both her mother's and her father's extreme stubborn-ness. We are both very very stubborn, now multiply our stubborness by two, and you have e's. Yup.

I doubt she will shy away from anything in life: she is headstrong to the nth degree.

Now how does this impact the everyday? Or should I say the every night?

Well, seems e and I have created a pretty bad habit: I have been cuddling her to sleep on a nightly basis basically since I went back to work in September.

We both have loved our special time.

Unfortunately, e, being like her mother in oh so many ways, has been given an inch and decided she deserves the whole damn mile.

And so, the nightly bed-time snuggle, she has decided, needs an instant repeat at four a.m. NIGHTLY.

Once again, I did not argue.

Being a girl who often eats little, I used this time to sneak a few extra calories into extra bottle for her, a snuggle for us both.

Happy early mornings...

For a while.

But she has grown out of late night drinks and decided that the cuddles are invaluable and must MUST last until she is dead asleep. If I DARE try to put her to bed any earlier, she clings to me and cries in desperation.

And I, the sucker that I am, have been giving in to this bad habit for some time; we both benefit, you know.

She stays my baby e, and I stay her doting mommy...

But, my body is rejecting me dramatically these days and telling me it's time to give up the shenanigans and face the facts: I am being manipulated. And I am no. longer. in. control.

Nope. E is full on in charge.

What's new, right?

Well, two nights ago, I felt resolved. I felt resigned. I felt the winds of change upon me: better now than when new babe is born  and needs more attention from me and needs me to be up every two hours....I cannot handle two babes waking me all night long.

So - sleep training times deux.

You see, I've been in this very spot before (how in the hell did I get back? Oh like all bad habits recur: you know the drill)...

So two nights ago when e woke me at three fifteen for her nightly cuddle, I refused to pick her up out of her crib. 

I tried to lay her down, but she got right back up and wailed and screamed and cried and stood there in her crib for the next FOUR hours.

I laid beside her, did not engage with her, just told her I loved her and that I needed more sleep, and that she needed to learn to fall asleeep on her own.

I must say, I did lose it a few times in that four hours. I was at one point sitting with the blanket over my head, begging God to let this stop and let e give up and go to sleep. (as if God has nothing better to concern Himself with).

I thought that maybe it would last two hours. MAYBE: it's like that poker game. Next hand, Next round...etc. Thank God I had that hope to hold on to. If someone told me I would be up from three until seven, I may have just forgotten the whole thing.

Anyhow, after four hours, she finally, FINALLY gave up, laid down and was comatose. She woke, though, at nine, ready for her day.

Resilient little girl.

And her resolve.

Honestly: FOUR HOURS!

So, we're on night three. Last night was much better. But, I am not going to sing my praises for another few weeks; we all know how long it takes to break and create new habits, right?

For now, consider me victorious in the resolve department...But realize that this is only baby e I'm dealing with...Can you imagine my future: teenage e with all her tenacity will surely surely be my day!

November 13, 2010


I've never been one who was good at change. Though I do thrive on excitement, change has always been a nemesis of sorts.

Right now, I am feeling the force of change pressing down on me.

E's room is no longer a little baby girl's room. We have moved out her change table and her original side table and moved in a big girl shelf and dresser.

She is going to be the big sister now; she will no longer be my baby.

And this fact, though wonderful and progressing, breaks my heart in two.

Life seems to move just way too fast for me; I haven't had time to adjust, to truly appreciate baby e; to hold on to all that is precious and not lose any of the little important and/or seemingly insignificant moments that are starting to drift away.

Today she is my baby, tomorrow she will be my little girl;

And one day she will be all grown up.

Can't I hold on to baby e just a bit longer? And can't she hold on to being baby e just a little longer?

Don't get me wrong, I love that our family is growing. I just want time to slow down the pace and let us all just soak up the precious one-on-one baby moments we have left.

To change...may it be slow....

November 7, 2010

A Thought...

I have always thought of myself as being a little flighty...That is, until yesterday. You see, I spent the entire day yawning. And if you know a thing or two about a thing or two, then you know that the reason we yawn is because we haven't enough oxygen in our heads. And here I always thought I was an airhead....

Guess not...

(or maybe I'm just overtired:-))

November 5, 2010's me.

I know, I know it's been a while. I don't expect you to want to chat after such a long snub. But my snub is not without reason.

Oh stop being so high maintenance.

I am a mom and a teacher and a wife and a person who has like no time to stop and think of creative things on which to muse and pass along to you....

But don't worry bloggy blog, time will be slowing down (HA!) soon enough and I will have a bit more time to think of funny anecdotes and interesting (to me) observations about all things life.

Consider it a compliment that I've stopped running to you every time I have a bad day. I am not using you the way I once did: as my place to vent and spew all things negative.

No, No blog. I value you and your space far too much to turn you into ugly upset.

So, not that life is all upset right now, but it is simply not all that interesting....So, please be patient and understanding, like the good friend/blog/ that you are.

And know that I think of you often, and look forward to the days when my list of things to discuss is longer than the time I have to discuss them.

And know that I miss you and I will never leave you; I may just put you on pause for moments in time....

And then when I do come back to you, I am refreshed, revitalized, and full of peppy thoughts.

Isn't that nicer than venting?

Thanks for the chat.

Be back soon!



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