March 13, 2010

I'm a loser baby ---

Much to my hubby's shagrin, I hate Beck - but, it is so fitting here...well, mostly! 

I am in the process of completing my second extra-large coffee, so to say I am a bit jittery would be an understatement of grand proportions. I am even finding it hard to type.

However, good morning all! And thanks for joining me for a morning coffee!

Let's have some coffee talk, shall we?

Well, ladies, in the last few days, I've felt the pendulum swing and the winds of change begin to blow: I am now in preparation mode.


You would be proud!

I have managed to complete plans for two full units (speeches and Geometry), including accommodations and modifications for those who need it. I am also half way through my Geography unit, also including accommodations et al. I've clocked around ten hours in planning so far. (How does anyone do a good job of this and balance all the rest that teaching entails during the school year??!) Whew. I am feeling super proud. My brain is whirly. I forgot how much I love to create. How much I love to organize. And how much energy is takes - hence (ugh what a University word) my lack of correspondence on here....Well, that and my need to nap my way back to health!!!

But you may be asking yourself, if she's done all these amazingly wonderful, forward stepping accomplishments, why, oh why is she calling herself a loser?

Well, my friends, because I. Am.

I really am!

I always have been, in fact.

Why, whatever do I mean???

The moment life gets busier--becomes full steam ahead, if you will--something always gets lost in the transition. Literally. Sometimes many somethings.

This is a difficult issue for someone like me who, while being an organizational junkie, also is a bit flaky and disorderly.

While I love organization, it does not come naturally to me. I suppose it's a bit of an ambivalent relationship we have: I love to keep things just so, but because of the extra exertion it takes, when I am lacking time, things start to fall to sh*t.

You should have seen me in high school and university. You would have thought I was chaotic: my notes were ALL OVER THE PLACE! But there was always method to my madness, I swear!

But we're not talking about the past, here, ladies. Oh No. Let's talk present day. Like right now:

What have I lost this week, you might ask?

1. My tax information - (yay tax time).
2. Our garage door opener.
3. e's soothers (two of the four - and these aren't the everyday normal, toss and don't care kind, they are special - at least I think so)!
4. More socks. grrrrr....
5. My marbles (anyone thinking Jumanji)?

Yup, I am all whacked out. I've lost it. 

I can only imagine what's gonna happen when I have to balance more than just planning, house, and baby (oh and hubby, I seem to always forget about him!). I am going to lose so many more things.

And. I. Hate. Losing. Things. 

It drives me mental!

Where j.b. is all, whatever, it will turn up.

I'm more Um, hello, what if it doesn't?!!!

Is it a matter of control?

So imagine a day in  the life of me, then, if you will. With my keen inner very much burning desire to have all things in order, and my natural propensity to be chaotic. One of my favourite teachers in high school used to call me organized chaos. Indeed. Oh but the hyperventilating anxiety this causes me.

I exert my energy so hard to keep things together and yet, by nature, I am unable.

Do you feel sorry for me?

So, I guess, all I ask is for the universe to throw me a bone during these next couple of weeks. I have a one-year-old's birthday party to plan (which means clean house, baking done, guest bedroom made up, groceries bought, wine selected, and cute baby e outfit to organize)....And I have to go to the school (wah) and get there all organized and partake in p.t. interviews (damn, thought I'd gotten outta those for this year!), and I have all those units to finish organizing, and my new wardrobe for my new, post-pregnancy figure (damn you!!!), and of course the reconfiguring of my entire external self: from stay inside and don't care mode to go outside and must be presentable mode. This process here, is going to take the longest. You don't want to know how much I've 'let myself go'!

So in this busy time, I beg. NO. I PLEAD! that maybe just maybe, I will keep it all together:

That the soothers will stay where they need to - that the garage door opener shows up - that I photocopy all the right material - that I get all the necessary organizational folders together and just so for school - that the daycare gets all e's necessary paraphernalia - That I don't forget anything for the party -

That everything lands where it is supposed to!

Dear St. Anthony, let's make a pact: let's be on the offense here. Shall I pray to you now to ensure I don't lose stuff, so that we don't have to meet up later when I'm a harry, erratic mess? 

Does this deal work for you?

Please, for the sake of my remaining marbles, Please Please, help me keep it all together for at least the next few weeks, and if we can even work it so that it all stays in tact until summer vacation? That would be even grander!

Life is gonna be pretty much swinging from the ceilings for the next few months, so your considerate support would (will?) be greatly appreciated.

Yours truly,

The loser, baby!


*p.s. this post reminds me of yet another one of my favourite songs...For your indulgence:


  1. Anonymous13.3.10

    The winds of change are blowing, the seasons are changing, the days are rolling by, and you, dear Bella, have a lot on your plate. I feel guity about adding to it with the prep the guest bedroom part :( Good for you for getting back into the swing of teaching and devoting some much time to preparing and organizing. You still have two whole weeks. I'm sure most people wouldn't have started let alone down as much as you have. All your hard work will hopefully make the transition smoother and ultimately give you time to breathe (once in awhile) in the coming weeks. (N's working all day/night and I'm hibernating in my office. Do you want to have a phone date later today?)


  2. Considering everything you're balancing right now, I think you're doing great. Your list of things you lost this week is not all that long. You should come over here and see what chaos really looks like. ;-)

  3. they are blowing! and don't feel bad about the cleaning - to have you here for a night and two days is more than amazing - what a lucky e - and more lucky for me:-)!
    I am hoping that this fore work will make the transition much easier - that's the idea...we'll see! sometimes my preparedness bites me in the ass b/c I forget what I'd planned and end up redoing things; making, of course, double the work...but we'll see.

    thanks for the props ladies! p.s. stephanie, i have lost more than those five things, but my brain is so scrambled I cannot even remember!!! ha ha...! oh chaos - must mean productivity is occurring, no?

  4. Anonymous13.3.10

    post pregnancy body?? you look phenomenol so i dont know what you're talking about when you say you've let yourself go... you're insane! you look absolutely fabulous!

  5. oh anonimo - if only my pants had your perception b/c they simply do not fit me now. I dunno why, but none of them do!


  7. I think how you handle everything is great! I've been so busy that my, er, blog has been lagging. But, I'm trying to get back into the swing of things.

    I have to catch up my blog reading, too : ) figured I'd start with yours.

  8. i love that beck song!
    good luck balancing so much craziness!

  9. Anonymous14.3.10

    why is it that pants dont fit after pregnancy?? that damn adipose tissue is a killer. i have not fit into one pair yet.. thank god yoga pants are considered cool

  10. I love getting all these comments...they keep me motivated and happy during this time of flux...ugh oh ugh.

    and anonimo. were i able to wear yoga pants to work, you know i would. especially the lulu lemon leggings i wore while pregnant. but don't think i can get away with it now. especially with the whole spring thing being upon us!


Thanks for your thoughts!


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