ah sleep training; the battle of the wills.

e was born with an attribute that I consider to be her double-edged sword: (please excuse my English these days, lack of sleep and baby brain are truly taking their toll) She has been blessed with both her mother's and her father's extreme stubborn-ness. We are both very very stubborn, now multiply our stubborness by two, and you have e's. Yup.

I doubt she will shy away from anything in life: she is headstrong to the nth degree.

Now how does this impact the everyday? Or should I say the every night?

Well, seems e and I have created a pretty bad habit: I have been cuddling her to sleep on a nightly basis basically since I went back to work in September.

We both have loved our special time.

Unfortunately, e, being like her mother in oh so many ways, has been given an inch and decided she deserves the whole damn mile.

And so, the nightly bed-time snuggle, she has decided, needs an instant repeat at four a.m. NIGHTLY.

Once again, I did not argue.

Being a girl who often eats little, I used this time to sneak a few extra calories into her...an extra bottle for her, a snuggle for us both.

Happy early mornings...

For a while.

But she has grown out of late night drinks and decided that the cuddles are invaluable and must MUST last until she is dead asleep. If I DARE try to put her to bed any earlier, she clings to me and cries in desperation.

And I, the sucker that I am, have been giving in to this bad habit for some time; we both benefit, you know.

She stays my baby e, and I stay her doting mommy...

But, my body is rejecting me dramatically these days and telling me it's time to give up the shenanigans and face the facts: I am being manipulated. And I am no. longer. in. control.

Nope. E is full on in charge.

What's new, right?

Well, two nights ago, I felt resolved. I felt resigned. I felt the winds of change upon me: better now than when new babe is born  and needs more attention from me and needs me to be up every two hours....I cannot handle two babes waking me all night long.

So - sleep training times deux.

You see, I've been in this very spot before (how in the hell did I get back? Oh like all bad habits recur: you know the drill)...

So two nights ago when e woke me at three fifteen for her nightly cuddle, I refused to pick her up out of her crib. 

I tried to lay her down, but she got right back up and wailed and screamed and cried and stood there in her crib for the next FOUR hours.

I laid beside her, did not engage with her, just told her I loved her and that I needed more sleep, and that she needed to learn to fall asleeep on her own.

I must say, I did lose it a few times in that four hours. I was at one point sitting with the blanket over my head, begging God to let this stop and let e give up and go to sleep. (as if God has nothing better to concern Himself with).

I thought that maybe it would last two hours. MAYBE: it's like that poker game. Next hand, Next round...etc. Thank God I had that hope to hold on to. If someone told me I would be up from three until seven, I may have just forgotten the whole thing.

Anyhow, after four hours, she finally, FINALLY gave up, laid down and was comatose. She woke, though, at nine, ready for her day.

Resilient little girl.

And her resolve.

Honestly: FOUR HOURS!

So, we're on night three. Last night was much better. But, I am not going to sing my praises for another few weeks; we all know how long it takes to break and create new habits, right?

For now, consider me victorious in the resolve department...But realize that this is only baby e I'm dealing with...Can you imagine my future: teenage e with all her tenacity will surely surely be my undoing...one day!

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