Christmas 2010

Well, another Christmas has passed, and it was pretty special. I always find the season to be a reflective time; and this year is no exception. I was thinking about how much it is a time for children, and how lucky we are to be surrounded by little ones who are brimming with hope, charisma, energy, vitality and LIFE!

My e, of course, was that: a tea brimming over in everything excitement...

She now knows who Santa is (though she doesn't yet understand the Christmas Eve visit, the cookies and milk, or the naughty and nice list). She just knows that there's a fat man in red named, Danta (she cannot really pronounce her s's yet - unless the word ends in s, in which case, she slurs and lisspppppppps her s's)!

What she is extremely good at this season, compared to last, is opening presents. I believe her daycare must have taught her this new talent, as she wasn't even very good at it at her first birthday or her baptism.

But she'd been practicing, that much was evident on Christmas as she professionally opened all her gifts, all her dad's gifts, and all my gifts. You see, every present under the tree is a present for Her! Didn't you know that?

Well!

And along with amusing us with her present-unwrapping expertise, e did not disappoint when it came to her present reactions. She was in awe of every gift she received. I can only hope she is always just as happy with everything she receives (or we are all as good at giving, whichever may be the true reason for her happy reactions)! 

With every gift she opened, she would just stare - look at us in disbelief and then point: 'Dora! Dora!' (Since all her gifts, but a few, were all of her favourite obsession, Dora the Explorer.

She was alight from morning until night from Christmas Eve until Boxing Day night.

By that point, however, she was done. She'd been run to both grandparent's houses twice, had only been home long enough to sleep, and certainly only ate snack foods and junk for about 48 hours or so.

She was done done done.

And so were we.

We have the next week to just soak up our time with e all on our own - and give her the ever earned attention she deserves before we head back to work and to the busy, regimented lives we lead...

Until then, I hope this note finds everyone doing the same with their children: doting, hanging out, soaking up the season's sentiment.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

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UPDATE!

Let me set the scene:

It's Friday night. I just walked in from our staff Christmas dinner. It's eight o'clock. The T.V. is on, but no J.B. I go up to his 'man'den, but no J.B.

I go to our room and still, no J.B.

And so, lastly, my heart sinks, thinking oh, no. He must be in e's room trying to get her to sleep. NO NO NO!

I open the door to my babe's room, and there, on the floor, is J.B. Fast asleep.

And there in the crib is e. Fast asleep.

And happy mommy gently closes the door and thanks God for small miracles like a night to herself!!!

woop woop!

And so, an update. It's been nearly two weeks since my four hour escapade with little e, and things, I dare say, may be looking up.

I fear letting down my guard too soon, mind you; but so far, so good.

Monday night, she slept until five thirty and when I went in, I laid her back down, I laid down, and back to sleep she went. No arguing or crying to be picked up.

Tuesday night through until the following Wednesday night? e slept from seven until seven. Yes. For eight straight nights, I, SB, have for the first time in 20 months, been permitted to sleep through the night...

I was beginning to get giddy - imagining how I will feel when I get full night's sleeps for the next four months before the next babe arrives!!!

And I let my guard down....it was Wednesday night.  Over a week later. I thought, truly, that I was out of the woods....

I even permitted myself to stay up until 10pm....

And then e did it to me: she woke up that night at one am and then again at five. Both times I laid her down, then laid me down. At three she was UPSET and took a long time to settle herself, so I just fell asleep there on the floor.

And then when I got up and went to my bed at three, I got myself another full two hours before the next big cry..

I felt doomed. 

NO NO NO, I thought; I cannot CANNOT go through another full night of crying and training and and and...and I need my sleep.

This is not fair!!!!

I felt I was a bad parent and that I'd failed at this sleep training task.

I thought the wonderful sleep spell was broken for good...

But then, last night, she slept through again.

Thank God.

So, here's to hoping that things continue continuing on. Let's all pray for three good months of sleep for me before I lose all hopes of full nights again for likely another year or two!!!

On that note: 8:19. jb is sleeping soundly. e is sleeping soundly.

seems like a good idea to me!

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ah sleep training; the battle of the wills.

e was born with an attribute that I consider to be her double-edged sword: (please excuse my English these days, lack of sleep and baby brain are truly taking their toll) She has been blessed with both her mother's and her father's extreme stubborn-ness. We are both very very stubborn, now multiply our stubborness by two, and you have e's. Yup.

I doubt she will shy away from anything in life: she is headstrong to the nth degree.

Now how does this impact the everyday? Or should I say the every night?

Well, seems e and I have created a pretty bad habit: I have been cuddling her to sleep on a nightly basis basically since I went back to work in September.

We both have loved our special time.

Unfortunately, e, being like her mother in oh so many ways, has been given an inch and decided she deserves the whole damn mile.

And so, the nightly bed-time snuggle, she has decided, needs an instant repeat at four a.m. NIGHTLY.

Once again, I did not argue.

Being a girl who often eats little, I used this time to sneak a few extra calories into her...an extra bottle for her, a snuggle for us both.

Happy early mornings...

For a while.

But she has grown out of late night drinks and decided that the cuddles are invaluable and must MUST last until she is dead asleep. If I DARE try to put her to bed any earlier, she clings to me and cries in desperation.

And I, the sucker that I am, have been giving in to this bad habit for some time; we both benefit, you know.

She stays my baby e, and I stay her doting mommy...

But, my body is rejecting me dramatically these days and telling me it's time to give up the shenanigans and face the facts: I am being manipulated. And I am no. longer. in. control.

Nope. E is full on in charge.

What's new, right?

Well, two nights ago, I felt resolved. I felt resigned. I felt the winds of change upon me: better now than when new babe is born  and needs more attention from me and needs me to be up every two hours....I cannot handle two babes waking me all night long.

So - sleep training times deux.

You see, I've been in this very spot before (how in the hell did I get back? Oh like all bad habits recur: you know the drill)...

So two nights ago when e woke me at three fifteen for her nightly cuddle, I refused to pick her up out of her crib. 

I tried to lay her down, but she got right back up and wailed and screamed and cried and stood there in her crib for the next FOUR hours.

I laid beside her, did not engage with her, just told her I loved her and that I needed more sleep, and that she needed to learn to fall asleeep on her own.

I must say, I did lose it a few times in that four hours. I was at one point sitting with the blanket over my head, begging God to let this stop and let e give up and go to sleep. (as if God has nothing better to concern Himself with).

I thought that maybe it would last two hours. MAYBE: it's like that poker game. Next hand, Next round...etc. Thank God I had that hope to hold on to. If someone told me I would be up from three until seven, I may have just forgotten the whole thing.

Anyhow, after four hours, she finally, FINALLY gave up, laid down and was comatose. She woke, though, at nine, ready for her day.

Resilient little girl.

And her resolve.

Honestly: FOUR HOURS!

So, we're on night three. Last night was much better. But, I am not going to sing my praises for another few weeks; we all know how long it takes to break and create new habits, right?

For now, consider me victorious in the resolve department...But realize that this is only baby e I'm dealing with...Can you imagine my future: teenage e with all her tenacity will surely surely be my undoing...one day!

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Change

I've never been one who was good at change. Though I do thrive on excitement, change has always been a nemesis of sorts.

Right now, I am feeling the force of change pressing down on me.

E's room is no longer a little baby girl's room. We have moved out her change table and her original side table and moved in a big girl shelf and dresser.

She is going to be the big sister now; she will no longer be my baby.

And this fact, though wonderful and progressing, breaks my heart in two.

Life seems to move just way too fast for me; I haven't had time to adjust, to truly appreciate baby e; to hold on to all that is precious and not lose any of the little important and/or seemingly insignificant moments that are starting to drift away.

Today she is my baby, tomorrow she will be my little girl;

And one day she will be all grown up.

Can't I hold on to baby e just a bit longer? And can't she hold on to being baby e just a little longer?

Don't get me wrong, I love that our family is growing. I just want time to slow down the pace and let us all just soak up the precious one-on-one baby moments we have left.

To change...may it be slow....

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A Thought...

I have always thought of myself as being a little flighty...That is, until yesterday. You see, I spent the entire day yawning. And if you know a thing or two about a thing or two, then you know that the reason we yawn is because we haven't enough oxygen in our heads. And here I always thought I was an airhead....

Guess not...

(or maybe I'm just overtired:-))

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