Shopping - Shopping - Shopping!

Okay. I am going to make a promise here to you today and I am going to try to stick to it!

(After I make the following statement, I am sure most of you will roll your eyes and say, 'Yah, right')...

Regardless,

Here goes:

I am going to attempt not to buy ANY clothes, shoes, accessories for a full year (for myself).

Let's see, today is September the...23rd. 

Can I do it?

I am seriously going to try.

What prompted this goal, you might ask?

Well, yesterday, as is usual of this time of year, I got into fall cleaning mode: out with the summer-ware, in with the fall-winter ware. And I realized something astonishing. I have a sh*t load of clothes!

You might already have known this...

But I did not.

Not really.

But after having two babies, I have clothes that fit me within a sixty lb range. 

SERIOUSLY!

Impressive, non?

And what I am very proud of myself for doing is thus (*ahem): last year I did my maternity shopping solely at H&M.

But do they have a maternity section?, you might be asking yourself...

Um. No.

However, the styles of late have been about big tops, sweater dresses, leggings, etc. All clothing styles that work well with growing bellies.

So those were the styles I bought. And guess what? They're still in style this year.

And I will be starting at a new school next March, so for many weeks, every outfit I wear will be brand-new to them...

(Not that I am deluded into thinking anyone else REALLY cares what I am wearing)...

But it's a good thing all the same.

And so, after unloading two separate wardrobes, and the in-between stage outfits as well, I've come to the conclusion that there is sincerely no need for buying new clothes.

Also, some outfits I bought some five or more years ago (even before I started my official teaching gig), I am looking at with new fashion eyes: I can see new ways to wear them, new combinations to try!

I shopped my closet people! And I liked it! In fact, it's the only budget, price, option I can afford these days...

Goodness. I might be maturing..

I am putting my money into savings rather than spending it on clothes...

I might need to stay OUT of stores, including anything JOE FRESH related, though...Or I MIGHT be in T-R-O-U-B-L-E! Want vs. Need and all that...

Do you think I can do this?????

.....

However, all this said, maybe you noticed?

Nowhere in this post did I say anything about not buying make-up.

I mean really, let's be realistic here!

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Philosophy

I took e for a walk tonight. And she took her baby for a walk in her baby's little umbrella stroller. While most people choose to walk on the sidewalk and make their walk easier, e decided to fight through the grass instead. She was often stuck, exclaiming emphatically 'I stuck!' But this constant issue did not dissuade her or motivate her to change her route.

Nope.

She is my daughter.

My mom asked me once why I chose not to listen to her advice or learn from her mistakes.

My response was thus (ahem): Because MOM. I want to make my own mistakes, fall on my own ass, and learn at my own pace, in my own time, in my own way.

Like e is proving, I liked the hard road way better. I enjoyed jumping head first into and at life no matter the cost or the resistance.

Even with my imploring with her to take the easier path, e, too, seems to enjoy the tougher path. 

Oh dear.

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Weaning and The Like....

So, if you're my friend on fb then you know that this was the week I decided to move dr b out of my room (not my bed, my friends, calm now....), and into his big boy room and his much roomier crib.

My heart hurt.

My tummy was in knots.

My eyes were all welled up.

He looked so tiny.

And the crib was ever-expansive.

I nearly rationalized our way out of this messy weaning process. 

But no. I was committed.

Mostly for other selfish reasons, like ensuring e did not come barging into our room ONE MORE TIME waking dr b up from his slumber and thus starting my juggling act earlier than necessary.

No. Having dr b in his own room would mean, I am hoping, that he would get to sleep more peacefully and I will get to enjoy this fact.

However; this whole weaning thing sucks ass, people.

It does.

For people like me who used to cry at the summer's end when I knew that I was either going back to work or school and jb was doing the same and our summer of fun and bliss and all that would be no longer.

Yup.

Me and change are like oil and water.

But it's actually much more than that really.

With e things seemed to move a lot slower, though my feelings were equally intense (it is me we're talking about, right?! I mean come on!)!

But the phases seemed to be longer and everything about her first year seemed to, in retrospect, move slower.  

Even jb was surprised when I woke up one day and said it was time to move dr b out. He thought it was way sooner than we had done it with e.

Nope I said. It was the exact same time: beginning of the school year. In fact, it was actually, considering their two week birthday difference, a bit later for dr b.

But with child number two everything seems to have amplified and sped itself up. Not being able to nurse after eleven weeks broke me. His smiles break me.

The fact that he will be six months in three days....breaks me.

With e, I did not consider future children. I was all about her. She was my world.

With dr. b, I do. I also think, there is a chance this might be it. And so every new phase, every new 'wean' is more intense to me. I think, this special moment might be the last. Having my little infant sleeping soundly and safely at my side in this moment, well it might be the last time I get to experience this joy.

And it is a joy.

I love being mother and protector. I love the idea that I've created a womb-like safe and secure environment for my children in my room, in our home, etc.

And with every change, every growth, I feel like the umbilical cord is stretching. And it's not they who are suffering or suffocating from this reality, it's me.

Can one have empty nest when her kids are still two and under, I wonder?

Anyhow, suffice it to say, that first of all I don't do change all that well; though I do know that change is a good thing and that there are many good things to come.

Just know that I am loving every moment (except those brief colicky periods--ew!) of my baby's infancy and I just want to hold the moments and memories so tightly that they don't ever get forgotten or disregarded.

I know that I am a lucky woman.

And I know my babes are precious.

And I know, second time around, how great the phases are, and how fast they move...

Every moment feels like another wean has to take place: from womb, from boob, from bedroom, from bottle, from home...sigh. I just want to wrap my babes up, hold onto their baby stages as long as I can, and keep them as all mine for a little longer before the world gets at them.

I love their innocence. I love their beauty. I love this whole experience.

The End. 

For today:-)

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