July 14, 2010

summer

summer time for me has always always been a time to stop, reassess and try to improve on things in my little ol' life. In fact my summer days in L. town (a sad excuse for a hamlet - and the place that taught me how to be creative because Lord KNOWS there was NOTHING to do there) were spent creating and executing lists of improvement plans....Anyhow, I have spent most of my summers scheduled to the brink (of my own doing) - and I LOVED it.

Un example:

The summer between grade eight and grade nine looked like this:

8:30 up.
watch t.v for ONE hour.
10 - 12 - one hour of weights one hour of cardio (which include watching and or following the moves from Flex Appeal, Gilad's Workout, Carribean workout, running up and down my three flights of stairs, and pumping iron in our basement gym)...

And then in the afternoon after a mean lunch, I'd clean for my mom - go to the local pool - hang out with friends - paint - write - create collages - practice my hair and makeup skills - read.

I never wasted a moment - and I was always striving for personal improvement.

I feel like these two months are a precious time to stop and redirect.

Now, as a parent, teacher, wife, etc. etc. I have learned how my priorities change.

As I have mentioned, I thought about getting a GL membership, but have thought better of it for several reasons. Although it would be a great release for me, and fun times for e in the daycare there (she is a social being that little girl) - it is too much of a breeding ground for various germs (with zero containment: that is, the clientele is constantly changing, which means the type of germs bred there is always changing, leaving e susceptible to TOO many varieties of germies) So - um. Not how I want to spend my summer: dealing with an ailing babe.

So instead e and I will be out in the a.m. in the jogging stroller at which point I will either jog or walk briskly (to the timmies) ha ha. And then we will spend the rest of our day either at the pool, napping and reading, playing or visiting friends...

And I will also have plenty of time to think about how I approach life.

For instance, on Friday jb and I went out on a date and as per the usual, after one glass of wine my lips become less controlled (almost LOOSE!) and out come some of my many observations of life, our relationship and what is or is not fair.

Well on this particular night I was discussing how it's difficult being a woman and that men have it made. No matter how much they work, the house and children are our domain on top of all else (including I might add the ever important beauty regime we must maintain)....

WELL - I got an earful from my very strong-willed and opinionated jb and I was slightly aghast and slightly in agreement - and I think his thoughts are very much what all men think:

He says he cannot stand when women have babies and then think that it is not their job to care for them. They are the mothers: caring for babes is in their nature, it is their job.

hM. So then I call him a chauvinist and he gets angry. He says he does a heck of a lot around the house and works hard as well. He does do the gardening and most of the cooking, yes, indeed. And it is obvious he is NOT feeling appreciated enough for his efforts...

But when he wants to lie on the couch, he can, and when it's time for him to go to bed, he can - no finishing touches on household anything has to be done.

But it really makes him angry if I so much as feel sorry for myself for having to be on 24/7. I even pointed out a particularly shitty week when I was busy with reports, Student Parliament stuff, school stuff, baby stuff, and only after babe was in bed did I have the time available to deal with said work stuff...

Plus I still had my man to care for as well - if you know what I mean.

I was beyond spent and I was resentful. And frankly? I had little choice but to deal. And that is what jb's thesis was on Friday night. Well, dear, you are the woman. Suck it up and deal.

And so I wonder - is it the way of the world? Suck it up and deal? Because I sure as hell better before more babes enter the picture and I have any delusions of equal parenting - or at least care taking (to be fair)...

And you know what? I do believe in the suck it up and deal philosophy for the most part.

And I do believe we are somewhat born into our roles (though there are variants)...

But why is the list for women so long? And has it lengthened for men? I mean jb is now the household cook, and that's certainly something...Does it make up for the 40 hour plus work week I now endure? Would I stay at home?

I dunno.

I guess I will have to suck it up and deal.

At least I know where we stand.

God love the wine that makes me open these sorts of flood gates!

Cheerio!

5 comments:

  1. If only we lived closer we could walk to Timmie's together. I completely disagree with JB. E is his baby too and he should be expected to do half of everything involved in caring are for her, anything less is unacceptable to me. I think since we no longer live in the middle ages parenting is the responsibility of the child's parents...parentSSSSSS, not parent.

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  2. you can always come down for a few days and stay!

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  3. I sent you the recipe of Facebook, enjoy! Let me know what you think. I will definitely try to come down for a day when summer school is over.

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  4. you know, i agree that if a woman does not work outside the home then she has nearly all of the indoor domestic duties. maybe im old fashioned! as a "stay at home mom" i know that my to do list involves keeping the house clean/orderly, teaching baby about life, groceries, making dinner (although i RARELY do this). thankfully, spendin time with an easy baby life e or s is pretty easy.. im worried that baby 2, 3, etc will be not so easy and it's that whole learning thing..

    anyyyyyyyyyyway, your situation is totally different. and, in fact, if you're the main bacon provider ;) then shouldnt jb be taking up most of the other slack????? NEVER say this as it would be the fight to fight all fights of fight.

    you + me + wine = talking our mouths off to get things off our chest which will = our relieved hubby who doesnt have to hear it. you can be my sieve.

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  5. Humph. I definitely agree with Beth: you're BOTH parents. Women may give birth (and yes, we do have a certain propensity toward nurturing) but there is no "magic" to taking care of another person that's tied in exclusively to estrogen and breasts.

    I know MANY fathers who are amazing caregivers to their children - some of them primary caregivers - one of them was in the army serving in Iraq a few years ago and is one of the manliest men I've ever encountered. He also puts in equal time as his wife to the care of their 2 year old.

    In other words, I'm sorry to say this (because it's your hubby and I don't know him) but that's a total copout.

    Also, if he's going to take such an anachronistic stance on things, you should announce to him that you, in light of being a "proper woman", just gave notice at work and will be happy to let him support you both ;-)

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Thanks for your thoughts!

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