July 20, 2010

Day 36 and counting....

By now we've ascertained that sb's body is not 'regular'. So what does this statement mean?

Well, let's see:

Cycle One post pills: started two and a half months after throwing the pills away. This time frame, I've learned, is normal.

Cycle Two: longer than it should have been...

Cycle Three: same

Cycle Four: 'normal 28 days'....

And then long again.

At that point my longest cycle was 42 days...This present cycle may beat it! We'll see.

And worse than the roller-coaster of a crazy long cycle and feeling crazy pms/pregnancy symptoms from day seven onward, is the many many tests I took because I was so sure I MUST have been pregnant. One day late means pregnant, doesn't it?

It was a hormonally imbalanced, schizophrenic time in my life.

And while dealing with this physically chaotic battle, I was trying to avoid the constant questions about when I was finally going to conceive; or the people who said if only I gained weight, if only I lost weight, if I tried this position or that food, etc., etc.

Ignorant people.

But they didn't know.

It was a lonely, very heartbreaking time for me as I had to come to terms with my body's limitations for the first time.  It is tough to know we have limits; it was even tougher to know that procreation may just be mine.

To be continued.

2 comments:

  1. Oh, when will people learn that it is NEVER appropriate to talk about a woman's pregnancy/pregnancy-to-come/absence-of-pregnancy/what-they-thought-was-pregnancy-but-turns-out-to-be-weight-gain.

    My rule: I never bring this up with anyone unless the pregnant (or trying-to-get-pregnant) woman brings it up first. There are a LOT of emotions there and people are so thoughtless.

    (Though I will admit I like touching pregnant bellies - but only after getting permission!)

    Thanks for sharing this - it must be a hard series to write out and must have been quite difficult to live with such uncertainty. Glad you have little E to make the process sweeter in hindsight :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous21.7.10

    thank goodness for lil' e. it will definitely make the roller coaster ride be easier. so now we'll all be waiting and on the edge of our seats for another post... im always checking the blog already. i wish i could just get an email alert when it was done!
    good luck!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for your thoughts!

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