Thinking...

Remember when the 'experts' said that having a television in the bedroom would have a negative impact on...well, you know....So then, I ask, what of the laptop in the bed -- in the bed!!!... What of that???

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Moving on ---
Below is a picture of e and I summer '09 -- e is right where I want her to stay always -- where I can protect her.

So I was thinking today about the thing that's been haunting me, haunting me, helping fan the funky fire that is consuming me fully...and making this such a Funky February.

What has been seriously messing with my head is the fact that the day to go back to the career is getting closer and closer: that day when I have to step out our door for nine or more hours and leave little e with someone else. I sat with her tonight, giving her her night-time bottle, and she looked up at me, and I just wanted to stay in that moment forever.  Just me and my baby. Nothing to interrupt. She and me. Always.

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I went to the ortho's today for my ugly, sadly disfigured feet. It was my first time. And I walked in and recognized the Orthodox lady (what are they called?). She gets her hair done at my ex-best friend's salon. She is my ex-best friend's friend. Phew. Wow. That was awkward. Because I know she knows that in that salon I am considered the evil-ist, selfish-ist, and any other negativ-i-est thing you can think of, female alive. And that made me sad.

And then it made me once again think of e. Life is often not easy. And I fear that women often play a hand at making each others' lives not so easy. I don't think it's intentional. We are all born with an extra moral chromosome and one less of that try to be patient with each other chromosome. That is, we don't take shit. And we expect a lot from one another.

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I fear for e as she grows. When she gets to school and she has to choose between the cool girl with the pig-tails, and the nerdy girl in the jumper. It is in these moments that her character will strengthen, and her understanding of what it is to be will imprint. And I just want her to be. Who she is now is so pure. So honest. So spongy and excited and in love with everyone. I want that e to always be here.  Because she really and genuinely loves everyone. Maybe she will stay like this. Maybe the school girls will let her. 

Maybe they won't make her choose. Maybe she will be the coolest girl and she will make sure everyone knows that no one has to choose: that everyone is cool. Or maybe she just won't care what anyone thinks and she will just be. Maybe. Or maybe everyone will be friends with everyone. I have heard of this happening once. Somewhere. In an urban legend or something.

Anyhow, maybe I just had it particularly hard growing up, but I know I have been heartbroken as a result of another dead friendship more times than anyone should. And I probably made some dumb-ass choices that helped aid in the deaths...So I hope I can help guide her with those important decisions as well. Or maybe she will be born all-knowing, just like her daddy. He seems to just know the right thing to do always. Maybe she will be like that too. I hope she will be a girl of integrity...

I hope she will be happy. I hope she draws others in then the way she does now. I hope no one tries to dim her light, steal her thunder, or make her apologize for being everything wonderful. Or, if they do try to, I hope she is strong enough to not let them. And to not apologize for being wonderful -- I hope she shares her beautiful wonderfulness with everyone. Because wouldn't that be special?

And I hope that she does not have to run into old best-friend's friends, congering up all the hurt and bad feelings, all the regrets and heart-aches that have displaced that once so vital friendship. Because heart-break hurts. And important lost friends hurts. And life sometimes hurts. And I want her to never ever hurt.

I want to simply protect her -- always.

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February Funk - It's Funkalicious...

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I don't know about anyone else but I am feeling pretty darn funkalicious. Yup. That's the nice word for bitchy. I am calling it the February Funk and blaming it on snow, being stuck indoors and boredom.

How the funk is playing itself out: 

blaming hubby for not reading my mind.

blaming hubby for not doing everything around house.

blaming hubby for not getting up with e at three a.m.

blaming hubby for not getting up for good with e at seven a.m.

mad at hubby for getting to take a nap.

blaming hubby for e not eating AGAIN.

blaming hubby for breathing too loudly.

blaming hubby b/c my pants don't fit.

blaming hubby for ... well anything that is bothering me today -- and that's everything.

Poor hubby.

Anyone else in a funk?

Any ideas how to get out of it? If not for me, for my hubby?

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Philosophy. Is the talk on a cereal box....

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*...Religion. Is the smile on a dog...I'm not aware of too many things. I know what I know if you know what I mean?

A friend posed a very important question that she'd like me to add to a discussion here on my bloggy blog. So I got to thinking of one of my all time favourite and totally frivolous past-times: philosophy.

I am going to come up with a few little philosophies and conundrums and I would like you to respond to all of them, or to the ones you've pondered with honest, thoughtful answers. I do not want any fence sitting however. Tomorrow, I will answer each one myself!

Okay, here we go.

1. If you have the ultimate of experiences, and you are not able to tell anyone about it, would you still want to have it? Is it still worth it? It's kind of like the idea of if a tree were to fall in a forest and no one were to hear it, would it have really fallen. Let me give you an example: Let's just say that I had the opportunity to meet Ryan Reynolds and he fell madly in love with me. But of course, we're both married. Now I am not saying I would do anything, but, this is strictly for argument's sake. Were we to have a minute tryst, but I could not tell a sole, would it be worth it? Is the act more juicy than the telling of the tale?

Yes. I would. Because it is my life, after all -- though it would KILL me to not brag about certain accomplishments...

2. Is beauty important: should our exterior matter? Or is it shallow to put value in our looks?

I am absolutely a big believer in external looks being important. We are all the signs and signifiers trying to get our messages out there. We advertise ourselves daily. We choose what we want to say. To not be conscious of how we appear makes a strong statement. However, that said, I have a child now, and my hair does not work so well as it used to, so sometimes I am make-upless and my hair is a bit scraggly when going on errands. And I am telling the world: piss off, I don't have time!

3. Is it better to have a handsome man or a handy man? Remember you cannot have both.

Anonymous -- show off! Handsome -- or i'd be a really disappointed cookie.

4. Betty or Veronica? Carrie or Samantha? Blair or Serena? I tried to hit all demographics with this question: Veronica, b/c she wasn't sneaky. Carrie annoys me. And I love Blair b/c she does not apologize for her bitchiness.

5. Love or money? Love.

6. Is life better for the thinker or for the ignorant and oblivious? I sort of feel people who think about life get to live it over and over...and that's pretty lucky.

7. Is luck merely a series of proper decision making? Yes. It is a total series of proper decisions: including the decision to be in the right place at the right time!

8. If you were to pick one value you'd like to instill in your child (real or hypothetical child), what would it be?  Integrity -- to be consistently herself and proud of it in all circumstances.

9. Would you rather a romantic partner who is unpredictable but makes your skin tingle, or a constant partner who while he/she is loyal and constant, is more a friend than a lover? Only one. Constancy -- the other can be too unreliable.

10. Are women born innately competitive or is it a learned trait? -- Please explain your thinking -- :-)! I believe we are trained from birth to be more attractive than, smarter than, and more interesting than other women. We are indoctrinated to set ourselves apart from others in life. To get our man; To achieve success in our career; To maintain a certain amount of social status, certainly! And that is why we all are consumers! Well, that and the fact that shopping is just so darn fun...and apparently we are the gatherers -- so our hubby hunts. We gather. Not our fault.

11. Television or the Internet? Internet sadly. I wish I could be a passive recipient of all things entertainment. But, I like to be active, and so writing, choosing what I watch and reading what interests me makes the Internet the only way!

12. Will consumerism eat us alive?  One prada bag at a time...
13. Bend to cultural ideals and norms or remain true to self, even if that means subjection to ridicule and a tough road to travel? This one I have a hard time with. We live in a social world, and there are social norms. So in a way, we must absolutely bend, and I learn that daily in the classroom when the 'nerd' does something socially unacceptable and I pray that s/he will learn from how others treat him and grow socially. However, I hate bullying as well--though, being on the receiving end, I did learn a lot; and there's something to be said for being unique. Okay. to pick: unique wins by a hair. but that's a hard life.

Okay -- I hope you play along! I will only answer if and when I get at least five responses!!!

Have fun -- remember I will not hold you to your answers - if you promise to be just as kind to me...and this is frivolity at its finest. NO JUDGMENT!



****Artist:Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians

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If Only...

 

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If only my mother and I had the communicator that that little monkey uses to communicate his thoughts to his owner. Or even the one from Up that the dog wears. Maybe then we could finally understand one another.

Maybe one day in cartoon land, we will finally speak each others' language. Just, maybe.

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Let Us Eat Chocolate

 

In honour of Valentine's Day--and her birthday--today I would like to feature my best friend's mom: Brita Housez. Brita is the type of woman we all aspire to be. She is a well-rounded, well dressed, elegant woman who manages to be an excellent home-maker, a successful entrepreneur and a talented, creative artist. And she makes it all look easy! She does not shy away from life; rather, she meets it head on. I have not met a more talented woman, and as the matriarch, her creativity has been passed along to her two beautiful daughters.

Brita has let life inspire and guide her career decisions. After living through a loved-one's fight with cancer, she became inspired to learn more about how to prevent the disease through food. During her research, she became aware of and interested in the disease fighting components of soy. Through scientific studies, it is concluded that soy can help fight diseases such as breast cancer, kidney disease, and osteoporosis; but it can also help with menopausal issues like night sweats and hot flashes. It is soy's naturally occurring phytochemicals that make it a potent health promoter(Housez 4).

As a result of life experience and a want to inspire others to heatlh, Brita created her first cook book: Tofu Mania. Because of its versatility, Brita chose to focus her first cookbook on tofu, as it is a readily available and versatile food. Her main message is that soy needs to be integrated into most cooking in order for it to be effective at preventing disease. She shows us how easy and tasty tofu can be. The recipes are multicultural and, while they all contain tofu, they also consist of other healthy, tasty ingredients that are readily available at the local grocer. 

So, without further ado, I am going to share with you my absolute favourite Brita Housez recipe. I was introduced to it four years ago, and have made it a staple in my cooking ever since. It is a perfect Valentine's Day treat, and is absolutely guilt free. (Also, if you've read my previous posts about diet and weight loss, you know that any dessert that contains protein--such as soy--stabilizes blood sugar, which helps prevent weight gain).

This brownie is the most guilt free, moist,and chocolately treat you may ever encounter. Even my husband, who is anti anything resembling 'heath food' LOVES this treat:

Chocolate Brownies:

1 1/2 cups sugar

1/2 cup butter, at room temperature

1/2 cup soft tofu

1/2 cup buttermilk

2 eggs

1 tsp. vanilla extract

1 cup unbleached flour

3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa

3/4 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. salt

3/4 cup chopped pecans

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit (180 degrees Celsius)

With electric mixer, beat sugar, butter and tofu until smotth. Beat in buttermilk, eggs and vaniulla. Gradually mix in flour, cocoa, baking powder and salt. When smooth, fold in pecans.

Spread batter evenly in a lightly greased 9 by 13 inch baking dish. Bake about 30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Let cool in pan on wire rack.

Spread frosting over brownies with a spatula while brownies are still a bit warm. Cool completely; cut into 24 squares.

Makes 24 brownies.

Chocolate frosting:

1 cup icing (confectioner's) sugar

1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa

2 tbsp butter, at room temperature

2 tbsp soft tofu, mashed

Cream all ingredients together in a bowl.

Per Frosted Brownie: 170 calories, 2 g protein, 24 g carbohydrate, 8 g total fat (3 g saturated, 3 g mono, 1 g poly fat), 31 mg cholesterol, .4 g fiber, 67 RE vitamin A, 6 mcg folate, 1 mg vitamin C, 124 mg sodium, 52 mg potassium, .4 mg iron, 30 mg calcium.

Brita's recipes are accessible and they are delicious. This is a great one to start with, but I do recommend taking a look at, if not buying and trying your hand at her health promoting, easy and creative recipes from Tofu Mania, The Joy of Soy, or Pleasures Pure and Simple. Enjoy!

**p.s. this brownie tastes really good with the featured wine from yesterday's Thirsty Thursday: McManis. Oh Heaven.

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