Tomorrow I turn the same age my mom was when she adopted all four of us children. Tomorrow I am turning the age I have always used as my 'old age' barometer. She hd grey hair (I pulled out two yesterday from my own head, my friends); she had some wrinkles; (My forehead is just itching to form some pretty deep lines - they're there, just waiting to pounce, I can feel it!)
And yet, I am very pleased.
I never thought I'd have two kids by this age.
Wasn't even sure I would ever marry.
Lord knows I had no idea for the longest time what I'd do with myself career-wise - and yet, here I am, in the only career that can feed my ADHD frenetic energy-ed self and my moral (um. er. bossy) nature...
Yup.
If birthdays are moments of reflection, this year, I am happy to reflect on my life. I am pleased and proud. And I have now, for the first time ever, got myself a very amazing group of friends and a wonderful support system...I've weeded out the weighty, toxic people and am only surrounded by beauty!
How lucky am I?
Love to all!
April 17, 2011
April 14, 2011
The Terrifically Terrible Twos
To begin with, d.b. was born on March 13th, 2011 at 4:46 pm. And now our family dynamic is changed forever.
I was very concerned about what the introduction of our new little boy would mean for our little princess, e. I mean, she's been the center of my world since she was born and she sure does know it. Her goal in life is seemingly to grab and hold the attention of every and all adults who are within her range at all times (she especially enjoys the unbridled focus of her doting parents)....(she might take a little after me, me thinks)...
So to have another little being honing in on her attention terrain...well. I didn't think that would go over too well.
But, turns out, I was wrong.
The moment d came home (and regardless of his dora chair gift), e was enamored. She kept pointing and saying, baby! baby! It was so precious. Her excitement was genuine and melted my heart. To me, her excitement demonstrated her generous spirit: although she loves the spotlight, she was willing to share.
She often wants to hold her little baby (er, her brother), and, if he's crying, she becomes frantic and starts saying 'oh no, oh no', and tries to get myself or jb as quickly as possible to go and help the little one.
While this family transition has been taking place, another milestone also occurred: e turned two. And let me tell you, her development took a sharp leap during this time. It has been a very evident and very drastic time of growth for little e.
One parent said to me that e's in a time of testing her boundaries. I couldn't have said it better myself. Mostly she's testing her body's durability. Everyday for the past two weeks, she has fallen and hit her head while involved in varying degrees of accidents. She has become wild and daring. She stands on edges of chairs to reach things up high. She's decided that she can hop up on chairs to participate in cooking and baby care-taking that occurs up on the counters. She thinks she can climb up and down stairs without using hands or turning around and going down backward. She has become very interested in the knives drawer...
She thinks she can run forward while simultaneously looking backward.
In a word: e has become a careless klutz and she scares the bejeezus out of her parents.
She has even decided that she can run away from me while playing outside. I am fearful that she may one day get hit by a car.
All the while, as she is 'testing these boundaries' e has a very knowing, very coy look on her face. She realizes what she's doing is crazy and she's watching me to see how I react...Oh she's smarter than she thinks I think she is, to be sure...
I feel almost as if she's laughing at me just a little...
Never mind when I am trying to nurse her brother and she's jumping up and down behind me on the couch, arms tightly wrapped around my neck like she's a boa constrictor...laughing all the while, knowing it is almost impossible for me to uncoil her while in such a position....
Yup e is testing her boundaries....and she is surely also testing mine.
And it's amazing to watch, though terrifying to come to terms with. Not only does it break my heart when she realizes that she can get seriously hurt as she tries to test her abilities, it makes me understand more glaringly, that my little baby is now my little toddler, and that my little toddler is very much in a hurry to become my little girl.
Does time ever fly.
I often say this, but more so than ever, I just want to slow time down, really appreciate my children in this moment right now. Because I am so very blessed to have such wonderful, and beautiful babes.
And mostly, I am so proud to have such a vivacious, terrifically challenging, and terribly trying, spirited two year old girl.
I was very concerned about what the introduction of our new little boy would mean for our little princess, e. I mean, she's been the center of my world since she was born and she sure does know it. Her goal in life is seemingly to grab and hold the attention of every and all adults who are within her range at all times (she especially enjoys the unbridled focus of her doting parents)....(she might take a little after me, me thinks)...
So to have another little being honing in on her attention terrain...well. I didn't think that would go over too well.
But, turns out, I was wrong.
The moment d came home (and regardless of his dora chair gift), e was enamored. She kept pointing and saying, baby! baby! It was so precious. Her excitement was genuine and melted my heart. To me, her excitement demonstrated her generous spirit: although she loves the spotlight, she was willing to share.
She often wants to hold her little baby (er, her brother), and, if he's crying, she becomes frantic and starts saying 'oh no, oh no', and tries to get myself or jb as quickly as possible to go and help the little one.
While this family transition has been taking place, another milestone also occurred: e turned two. And let me tell you, her development took a sharp leap during this time. It has been a very evident and very drastic time of growth for little e.
One parent said to me that e's in a time of testing her boundaries. I couldn't have said it better myself. Mostly she's testing her body's durability. Everyday for the past two weeks, she has fallen and hit her head while involved in varying degrees of accidents. She has become wild and daring. She stands on edges of chairs to reach things up high. She's decided that she can hop up on chairs to participate in cooking and baby care-taking that occurs up on the counters. She thinks she can climb up and down stairs without using hands or turning around and going down backward. She has become very interested in the knives drawer...
She thinks she can run forward while simultaneously looking backward.
In a word: e has become a careless klutz and she scares the bejeezus out of her parents.
She has even decided that she can run away from me while playing outside. I am fearful that she may one day get hit by a car.
All the while, as she is 'testing these boundaries' e has a very knowing, very coy look on her face. She realizes what she's doing is crazy and she's watching me to see how I react...Oh she's smarter than she thinks I think she is, to be sure...
I feel almost as if she's laughing at me just a little...
Never mind when I am trying to nurse her brother and she's jumping up and down behind me on the couch, arms tightly wrapped around my neck like she's a boa constrictor...laughing all the while, knowing it is almost impossible for me to uncoil her while in such a position....
Yup e is testing her boundaries....and she is surely also testing mine.
And it's amazing to watch, though terrifying to come to terms with. Not only does it break my heart when she realizes that she can get seriously hurt as she tries to test her abilities, it makes me understand more glaringly, that my little baby is now my little toddler, and that my little toddler is very much in a hurry to become my little girl.
Does time ever fly.
I often say this, but more so than ever, I just want to slow time down, really appreciate my children in this moment right now. Because I am so very blessed to have such wonderful, and beautiful babes.
And mostly, I am so proud to have such a vivacious, terrifically challenging, and terribly trying, spirited two year old girl.
March 11, 2011
and the verdict is....
well. could be earlier, if my body decides, but Sunday is induction day....though I am already 3cm dilated, so could be any time. Have to say my body's doing some interesting things that lead me to believe it's so ready...
I'll keep y'all posted!
I'll keep y'all posted!
March 8, 2011
We are now on baby watch....
Any day now!!! I will likely start this thing back up full tilt in about two months when I am done the round the clock feeding and have sorted out how to balance two little ones. Wish us luck!
February 12, 2011
Trial Run Number One....
So I am feeling sorta conflicted: both excited, but sad. You see, e is on a sleep-over with her grandparents (my in-laws) in preparation and practice for the big day...Which is looming by the way!
E hasn't been on a sleep-over since last August. That's like years in a toddler's/infant's world. So I was leery of this whole thing.
I figured, though, that we should do some trial runs before we abruptly drop her off at the in-laws for a day or two and then return with a child. She might find that sort of change a bit more traumatic.
Parents abandon then return with alien child.
Not sure if this approach is correct. What do you think?
We are thinking of trying one more trial run so that again, once we do drop her off for the longer duration, she will feel less upheavaled. It will be like another fun trip to the in-law's.
I dunno.
I worry tremendously about this transition for e. She's been my world since her conception. I love her more than words. And I know that the introduction of siblings does change children and sometimes not for the better...
I just always want her to feel loved and treasured and in many ways the center of our world...just not the only center, I guess...
Change is very tough on me - always has been (even though I do try to be a flexible person who does grow and change rather than being a boring stick in the mud) - it does, though, take me away from my comfort zone.
So, as excited as I am to meet this mini-baby inside of me, I am nervous to go through this next phase of upset and crazy flux.
Lord give me strength - and a husband who will help me balance the two children and the daily routines!
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