A Room of My Own...With Nice Wallpaper!

I am back people. Back from the fog that occurs in the first few months postpartum.

I am almost me again.

I am less the energy sucked mommy whose every spare moment was taken up with someone's needs.

That is, someone's needs other than mine.

I am not bitter.

I was getting there, though, I can tell you that.

I love being a mom and a wife. However, I don't love that I seem to have disappeared a little after having children. While no one else might see the change, I feel it daily. I am not myself.

I have decided, consciously, though, in the past few days, that I am no longer okay with forgetting about me.

I have decided to find a room of my own; one that no one can enter, other than myself, ever. A space that is all mine, free from expectation, need, or anything else that might ask anything of me!

In the past few days I have been agitated. I have even been angry. With the baby crying or needing to be rocked, with my hubby saying he's going for another five hour golf game, or out somewhere fun that I cannot go; I am even through with attending to little miss e who has taken to calling my name over and over if I do not give her my 100 percent! 

Every new desire of someone else's has begun to pulsate piercingly in my ear, and something in me has started to deteriorate...

I am on the brink of losing my cool, people.

And so I have decided to take a stand.

Yup I have.

I considered the wise words of Dr. Phil, I teach people how to treat me. And moreover, I teach my daughter how a woman, mother and wife should behave and be treated.

And I'll be damned if my needs, hobbies and desires will always take the back seat to everyone else's. Forget it. I am no one's martyr!!!

And so, last evening, full of resolve, I put my two children to bed, and I went to my room, changed into my LuLu's, and interrupted my hubby's car washing activity and I told him that I. Was. Going. To. The. Gym.

And when he asked if I could not go later, I said, No. I cannot.

And I hopped in my car and went.

And then today, I did the same thing. This time leaving BOTH CHILDREN (gasp, I know!). And I went for a full half hour of me time. Where no one could reach me, ask of me, or suck away any more of me and my energy.

(I'll be honest, I did feel badly, if not guilty, for a brief moment, before my more realistic self told me to snap the heck out of it!)

Two days. Two 1/2 hour intervals when I was utterly unreachable!

And you know what, people? I am starting to feel more like myself again.

I am being nicer to my hubby.

I am more interested in attending to my children's needs.

I am a bit less resentful.

Because, I, Like Miss Woolf, am not crazy. I am not even selfish...I simply need some space. My space.

I need my own room (and not just for when I am sleeping)...

G'night.
(ps, my hubby is awesome and very helpful, and my children are gems. i just need to learn to assert and attend to my needs so as to not begin to blame them for my funky moods!)

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