July 19, 2011

A Room of My Own...With Nice Wallpaper!

I am back people. Back from the fog that occurs in the first few months postpartum.

I am almost me again.

I am less the energy sucked mommy whose every spare moment was taken up with someone's needs.

That is, someone's needs other than mine.

I am not bitter.

I was getting there, though, I can tell you that.

I love being a mom and a wife. However, I don't love that I seem to have disappeared a little after having children. While no one else might see the change, I feel it daily. I am not myself.

I have decided, consciously, though, in the past few days, that I am no longer okay with forgetting about me.

I have decided to find a room of my own; one that no one can enter, other than myself, ever. A space that is all mine, free from expectation, need, or anything else that might ask anything of me!

In the past few days I have been agitated. I have even been angry. With the baby crying or needing to be rocked, with my hubby saying he's going for another five hour golf game, or out somewhere fun that I cannot go; I am even through with attending to little miss e who has taken to calling my name over and over if I do not give her my 100 percent! 

Every new desire of someone else's has begun to pulsate piercingly in my ear, and something in me has started to deteriorate...

I am on the brink of losing my cool, people.

And so I have decided to take a stand.

Yup I have.

I considered the wise words of Dr. Phil, I teach people how to treat me. And moreover, I teach my daughter how a woman, mother and wife should behave and be treated.

And I'll be damned if my needs, hobbies and desires will always take the back seat to everyone else's. Forget it. I am no one's martyr!!!

And so, last evening, full of resolve, I put my two children to bed, and I went to my room, changed into my LuLu's, and interrupted my hubby's car washing activity and I told him that I. Was. Going. To. The. Gym.

And when he asked if I could not go later, I said, No. I cannot.

And I hopped in my car and went.

And then today, I did the same thing. This time leaving BOTH CHILDREN (gasp, I know!). And I went for a full half hour of me time. Where no one could reach me, ask of me, or suck away any more of me and my energy.

(I'll be honest, I did feel badly, if not guilty, for a brief moment, before my more realistic self told me to snap the heck out of it!)

Two days. Two 1/2 hour intervals when I was utterly unreachable!

And you know what, people? I am starting to feel more like myself again.

I am being nicer to my hubby.

I am more interested in attending to my children's needs.

I am a bit less resentful.

Because, I, Like Miss Woolf, am not crazy. I am not even selfish...I simply need some space. My space.

I need my own room (and not just for when I am sleeping)...

(ps, my hubby is awesome and very helpful, and my children are gems. i just need to learn to assert and attend to my needs so as to not begin to blame them for my funky moods!)


  1. Anonymous20.7.11

    Woo hoo! She's back! Glad to hear it. REALLY looking forward to our visit. (Reminder that the new address is #30).


  2. haha hahahah didn't think you'd read this !!! ur amazing!

  3. Kathyadams3022.7.11

    LOVE IT! Way to put it out there for all the moms that think it but don't say it! I have to remind myself of the airplane theory...Before yo attend to anyone else, children included, you need to put on your own air mask. You can't help anyone if you're dead. That's especially true for your soul when you're a mom. You give all the time, so it only makes sense that you need a lifeline of your own. Good work :-)


Thanks for your thoughts!


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