well. could be earlier, if my body decides, but Sunday is induction day....though I am already 3cm dilated, so could be any time. Have to say my body's doing some interesting things that lead me to believe it's so ready...
I'll keep y'all posted!
March 11, 2011
March 8, 2011
We are now on baby watch....
Any day now!!! I will likely start this thing back up full tilt in about two months when I am done the round the clock feeding and have sorted out how to balance two little ones. Wish us luck!
February 12, 2011
Trial Run Number One....
So I am feeling sorta conflicted: both excited, but sad. You see, e is on a sleep-over with her grandparents (my in-laws) in preparation and practice for the big day...Which is looming by the way!
E hasn't been on a sleep-over since last August. That's like years in a toddler's/infant's world. So I was leery of this whole thing.
I figured, though, that we should do some trial runs before we abruptly drop her off at the in-laws for a day or two and then return with a child. She might find that sort of change a bit more traumatic.
Parents abandon then return with alien child.
Not sure if this approach is correct. What do you think?
We are thinking of trying one more trial run so that again, once we do drop her off for the longer duration, she will feel less upheavaled. It will be like another fun trip to the in-law's.
I dunno.
I worry tremendously about this transition for e. She's been my world since her conception. I love her more than words. And I know that the introduction of siblings does change children and sometimes not for the better...
I just always want her to feel loved and treasured and in many ways the center of our world...just not the only center, I guess...
Change is very tough on me - always has been (even though I do try to be a flexible person who does grow and change rather than being a boring stick in the mud) - it does, though, take me away from my comfort zone.
So, as excited as I am to meet this mini-baby inside of me, I am nervous to go through this next phase of upset and crazy flux.
Lord give me strength - and a husband who will help me balance the two children and the daily routines!
January 30, 2011
In preparation...the ongoing theme.
As we chip away at our house, happily/compellingly nesting - I am realizing some new things.
Two years ago when I went through this intense need to overhaul and purge, pre-e's birth, I was ruthless. I was cut throat. If an item came across my path and I couldn't think of an immediate use for it, it was tossed. I am talking old pictures, 17 journals, all my art that I completed over the years.
I tossed it all.
My theory? Out with my childhood, in with my children's childhood's...Time to pass the torch.
Well, two years later and I am singing a bit of a different tune.
I find I am a bit more nostalgic and interested in keeping and remembering pieces of who I was pre-marriage, pre-mommydom - pre-being-a-grown-up.
I am thinking that this change of heart has something to do with the past two years and the realization that one can lose herself in her role as mommy and it is important not to.
It makes me think of all those Oprah shows that I thought were so flaky back in the day - you know the ones: when the women come on, they are in their late forties, and they are complaining about how they lost themselves, their dreams, their ideals, their goals, and they let themselves get fat, and become listless in their own lives.
I thought. Stupid women. Stupid. We all have choices, here!
But now, I know how easy it is. Days are short; energy is even more sparse. Losing pieces of who we are and what we want is pretty easy when we are divided in so many directions! I hope I am conscious enough in my own life to do something for me at least once a day.
This blog, and the reason I started it, and the timing of when I started it, are all indicative of me realizing I was losing myself: I needed to ground myself somewhere. Me. Not wife. Not mother. Not teacher. But me. That inner voice that often never gets heard over all the other demanding voices of a day....
And so, as I took a little time to myself last night, wading through memories of my youth, from kindergarten to present, I realized that though the future is exciting and important, the past is equally as important, and I need to hold on to and remember many of the events, people, and embarrassing/proud memories I have of who I once was and why I am now who I am today.
The most surprising thing I realized in my quest to de-clutter and shrink my memories into one box? I was once really into nick-nacks and holding onto inane items (like fruity drink umbrellas with mine and jb's names on them from the first wedding we attended together as a couple- gag!)...
ha ha.
That part of me is changing...But I still realize the importance of one's past...!
January 21, 2011
Why do we nest???
I feel such a need to organize, declutter, rearrange and just blindly toss any and everything that is not in a proper 'place' or seemingly just does not fit in my home.
Every time something gets tossed, or put in its place, it's like my back has been scratched in a particularly annoyingly itchy spot.
Relief.
But then I step away from this brief moment of calm and see all the other things that still need to be done and the itchiness just takes over - never mind any peace!
Why does this happen pre-baby? Is it truly hormonal? Instinctual?
I dunno.
My hubby seems to have caught the bug too. He's all we're gonna throw away everything - just open the garage door, let the 1800 junk people come and take it all away...
And half of me believes him. But the other half looks at his thousands of needless and basically obsolete cd's that he loves more than he should, and I think, yah, right.until they come and try to take these items and you run madly after them, grab the items back almost aggressively and rationalize that you might need them one day.
And this lack of faith in my husband's ability to rid himself of needless clutter is based on years of observation. We NEED almost everything we have, don't you know...like the old couch that he had in his 'batch' pad in which he chain smoked and had cats who both shed allo over and shredded the pathetic furniture...and LORD KNOWS what else went on on those couches....AND He wanted to keep them for the children's play room in the future.
Let's all just simply say EW and move on...
You get the picture, yes?
EW EW EW.
There's no rationalizing with someone who is sentimental over material things including germ infested, yellowing couches that are hanging on by megre threads...
Um. Yah.
So, along with my base and uncomfortable need to rid myself of this stuff - I also need to get my hubby full on on board - and to do it MY Way.
Ha ha
too much to ask?
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